DECISIONS ABOUT CARING AND WORKING
6 Attitudes of others
Researchers asked participants what others felt about their decisions. They talked about the attitudes of their partners and children, wider family, friends and acquaintances, as well as society in general. The report presents their perceptions of other people's views and attitudes - partners, children, and others were not interviewed as part of this study.
6.1 Attitudes towards people's decision not to be in paid work
Most women, particularly those with young children, thought that other people's attitudes towards their decision to be at home full time were positive.
Because most partners were supportive of or encouraged their decision, women did not comment on how important their partner's support for their decision was.
Families were also supportive of people's decision to stop paid work, although one person noted that her sister constantly offered her work, while another said that her career-focused siblings felt she should not give up work entirely but should work part time. The only person who felt disapproval from his wider family and community was a Samoan man who had the primary caregiver role, although these attitudes did not affect his decision:
Family and friends gave me a hard time. They definitely think I should be out working. Especially in Samoan culture - it's embarrassing...I feel the community looks down on the situation but it doesn't bother me.
All but two of the people not in paid work had pre-school children, and therefore had not discussed their decisions with or sought opinions from them.
Those with friends who had also stayed at home to care for children felt they were positive. Friends from previous workplaces sometimes thought that the women should go back, or constantly asked when they were going back. One woman felt her colleagues from her previous work were scathing about her decision to leave paid work, but noted that her former manager had supported her decision and also encouraged her to study.
Despite participants' own strength of feeling about young children being in parental or family care and the support they felt from their family and friends for this approach, several commented that society generally and government policy in particular did not support this option.
6.2 Attitudes towards people's decision to be in paid work
Overall, family and friends supported the decisions of people in paid work. People in part time work discussed other people's attitudes to their not being at home full time as a carer, and not being in full time work.
6.2.1 Partners
Partners of people working few and/or irregular hours were generally supportive, encouraging participants to pursue interests and get out of the house, rather than putting pressure on them to be in paid work. Participants in paid work longer and/or more regular hours also described their partners as supportive, although for some, this support depended on the work having no or little impact on the partner.
People in full time work believed their partners agreed with their decision to work full time. Some felt their partner was supportive in a general 'do whatever you want' way, rather than specifically supporting the decision to be in paid work full time.
6.2.2 Children
Men and women in the study discussed their children's views about parents' paid work in different ways. Men had relatively little to say about how their children felt about their role as a father. They thought their children were fine with whatever they were doing ('she is used to it', 'they enjoy it'). Women spoke more extensively about how their children felt. Most women who were working part time thought their children were proud of them working, but did not like it having an impact on them. (Very few of the children were in out of school services, most had had a similar routine all their school lives and spent after school and school holidays with one of their parents and/or family or friends.)
Most women working full time thought their children were happy with the situation and appreciated the income:
Kids are proud of me. Fourteen year old tells me 'Handle the job, Mum, we need the money.'
One woman felt her children manipulated the situation:
My oldest makes me feel guilty he manipulates the situation... he doesn't tell me about stuff at school and then pretends I wouldn't have time for it when he knows I always make time.
6.2.3 Other people
Most friends were positive about people's decision to be in paid work. A few women who had been, or were now, working for minimal pay said their friends discouraged them from doing this as it was not worth the effort. Several people, men and women not in paid work or working few hours, noted that acquaintances were more likely to be negative than friends. People working longer hours or in full time paid work did not think that other people had negative attitudes towards this. Women who had always been in full time work felt that attitudes were more negative when they had young children and were working full time.
Only one parent, who had a pre-schooler and worked up to 10 hours a week in a situation where she could be with her child, felt a general social pressure to be in work. She thought that government policy was aimed at encouraging parents to work:
I wish it wasn't so acceptable [for parents] to go to work. I wish it was easier for people to stay home. Politicians encourage working parents, they subsidise childcare; why can't they pay me to stay at home?
Some people working part time discussed friends' and colleagues' perceptions of their 'easy' life:
Often people without children will comment and think I have a lot of extra time, but of course they don't take into account that I only get paid for what I do, and I don't get paid for a full time job.
I do a quarter of the time less than my colleagues but I do the same job. People don't realise, they say 'nice for some' when I leave early. It's seen as a perk but I get paid less.
6.2.4 People receiving a benefit
Two women on the Domestic Purposes Benefit, one not in paid work and one working very few hours, reported disapproval from acquaintances, and in one case from family members:
I don't advertise I'm on the [Domestic Purposes Benefit]. I pretend I'm self employed. My older child is embarrassed I'm on a benefit... I hear comments about how I should get a job, any job better than none.
Two men receiving the Domestic Purposes Benefit, one currently and one recently, did not feel pressure from friends or acquaintances to move off the benefit.
6.3 Men's attitudes
The men in this study described a range of attitudes to their role as primary carers for children and not being in paid work. Men in part time paid work reported attitudes of bemusement rather then negativity, although cultural expectations were still strong that women would be the primary caregiver and men would earn money.
The four men who were not in paid work thought that the attitudes of friends and acquaintances and/or their local community were negative. This included a man receiving accident compensation:
Some negativity - not to my face. Feel they are not positive. They feel I should be working - as a man. Playcentre crowd is good though, a couple of guys there.
Men caring for young children experienced social constraints. The other adults they saw during the day were usually women, and there were boundaries around those relationships. They also believed that they could not be as involved with other people's children as women were. This left several of the men feeling socially isolated:
I've got women friends here, the playcentre mothers and they're pretty good round here, and we have coffee you know, and they're very nice but there's very few men doing what I'm doing. Being a man you are treated differently, there are some things that just wouldn't happen, like they wouldn't leave their girl babies with me to look after. The other mothers leave their babies with the other women, but not me.
Some men missed having contact with other men. One in particular noted that his male friends did not want to have much to do with him now that he is at home with a young child.
One man living in a rural area experienced more marked negative attitudes from other men:
It is more difficult in a rural area, not many at home dads. And they are blokes here, staunch. And a lot of older people, you see them, men sit in their cars while their wives shop and the men look at me in disgust.
The four Samoan men in the study commented on their community's expectation that men would work and women would care for children. For example:
My mum would feel funny about me being at home because it's not like the norm, especially for a Samoan man to be at home... My mum wouldn't actually say anything about it but I think she does think it's strange.
The six Maori men did not report any particular cultural attitudes around whether or not they were involved in paid work.
While partnered men reported some negativity from other people towards their role as caregivers, single men generally received support and approval from friends, an attitude not reported by single women.
6.4 Summary
Participants felt that most other people's attitudes towards their decisions were positive, with most support coming from partners, family and friends who held similar beliefs. People in different situations or who had made different decisions, including work colleagues and acquaintances, were less supportive. Participants who were not in paid work agreed that government policy was not supportive of their position.
Some people working part time thought that others perceived this as an easy option, and did not take into account their relatively lower income.
Men who were partners and not in paid work or working very few hours experienced some negative social attitudes, and felt strong social constraints on their behaviour. Single men received more approval and support. Pacific men in the study felt the weight of expectations about traditional gender roles, but these views did not alter their decision.