8.1 People not in paid work

People not in paid work were satisfied that they had made the best decision for themselves, although the experience was not always satisfying. They had given up their income and missed the satisfaction that paid work can provide:

That's the reason I fill in the day with activities [with child] - to try and feel some achievement.

Although many people enjoyed being at home with their children, they felt they did not receive much acknowledgment for doing a good job. Some were concerned about the low value society placed on parents being at home, both in public discussion and through financial support.

All but one person expected to resume paid work at some point, so they knew they would not always be in their current position. A single parent who had not worked for a long time said she lacked confidence and was anxious about the future:

If I don't think about the future it's fine. I am in a rut, head in the sand a bit. I'm not that satisfied when I think about the future.

Some men in the study did not want to be the primary caregiver, and would have preferred to be in paid work. Some had become reconciled to their role and found satisfaction in it; others remained resistant, although they could see positive aspects to the role:

I would prefer to be working now, a nice cushie job doing 9-4pm, so that I could have a life, because I don't particularly like looking after babies. I miss the personal rewards. You don't get that from a baby.

Some men acknowledged that being the primary caregiver and looking after young children was hard work:

I do love [my child] but it's such a tax on your freedom. It's the hardest job I've ever done, it is rewarding in some sense, to see them growing up but I feel there's something else out there for me. There are just no breaks, it's so constant.

You have special moments with them. [Child is] very articulate because I taught her. I am her teacher. There's a lot of satisfaction but a lot of hard work.

8.2 People in paid work

Some participants were happy to be working only a few hours a week doing work that interested them or maintained their social contact.

Some weeks might be 5-6 hours on Saturday, other weeks might do a couple of hours per day ... Very variable hours - I love it, wouldn't want any more

Others in this situation were dissatisfied because they wanted more hours of work, or because other factors affected their ability to be in paid work. These included the lack of work opportunities in a rural location, lack of flexibility with carers to help with a child with special needs, lack of support with a mentally ill adult son, and, for one man, not being able to relocate to his home town and whanau support because he had shared day to day care of his children. One person commented:

The part time hours that I could get at the place I work are really all that was available to me... if I had the choice I would only work mornings and do them over more days during the week but then with living rurally the travel would be difficult...If more hours came up for me during school hours then I would work more than I am at the moment

Participants working more regular and longer, but still part time hours, were satisfied with their situation, and enjoyed being able to care for children and gain personal satisfaction and income from work. Self employed people had similar views. Some women in this group felt the stress of compromises made at home and work:

It's hard. I have thought about stopping but I want to prove myself. I can be a working mother and earn money. There's not a lot of time to myself. Never in bed before 11pm.

Most participants working full time were also satisfied with, or accepting of, their situation. Many had had years of not being in paid work or being in part time work, and enjoyed the opportunity to be in full time work. Others had always been in full time paid work because they wanted to. A few people working full time wanted to be working less - some wanted more time for themselves; others wanted more time with children, including time to be able to participate in school activities.

I would prefer part time hours - there were such half time positions elsewhere but I didn't want to uproot my family. In hindsight I should have tried to negotiate less hours but I was worried I wouldn't get the job if I tried to make it 32 or 35 hours.

I have occasional tinges of regret, maybe I could have sacrificed more [re having a career] but they are great kids and we've been successful in juggling. I'm happy.

8.3 What would make it easier for people

Given that most people found decision making straightforward, almost all reflected on what would make their lives easier, rather than on what would make decision making easier. Many people wanted a reordering of social values. The low value put on parenting by society in general was an issue for people in and out of paid work:

If we valued parenting and stay at home parents we would not have half the issues we do - if we enhanced and facilitated the role.

Some women, including those with and without partners, and in and out of paid work, wanted more domestic support. Those without family nearby felt that having family around would make their lives easier.

People also wanted to be able to ask for, or be offered, more options around working part-time and workplace flexibility:

It would have made a difference if the employer had said we're open to talking about the hours. If they had been active about the flexibility, and asked if I was interested in fewer hours. I didn't have the courage to ask in the beginning.

When I resigned last year [from part time job] I assumed it was my problem and had to resign. A lot of the reason I left was because the job was spreading beyond three days and I was working 60-70 hours a week - it wasn't do-able and no one offered me any other way of managing it.

If I had an employer who was fine with glide time [life would be easier]. I can't do my normal job from home.

One person had asked her employer to be more flexible about the childcare assistance they offered, but with little success:

It's a battle to get [employers] to think of different concepts about subsidies for childcare... they pay $40 per week for formal childcare arrangements but do not give that to me because I fly [my child] to my mother in the school holidays and pay my mother for her keep - that's too much of a struggle for [tax accounting] apparently.

8.4 Summary

Most people were satisfied they had made the best decision they could given their circumstances, even if this put them in a situation which in itself was not completely satisfying. People not in paid work were dissatisfied with the lack of acknowledgment of the importance of parenting. Some found the lack of income and being a full time parent difficult. People in part time work found elements of both caring and working satisfying, but found it hard to juggle two roles, and having to compromise both aspects of their lives. People in full time paid work were also satisfied with their decisions, but they too had to juggle two roles and had less time for parenting than they would like.

Where participants had high levels of flexibility within their employment, they were more satisfied and found it easier to manage their caring and paid work responsibilities. Some participants in paid work felt their lives would be easier if employers took a more active and lateral approach to workplace flexibility.